Everyone of my birthdays needs to be like this from now on:



Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


It's true too.

One whole year huh?

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.

I should be working on making my computer magical right now.

But I'm totally going to play pokemans instead. For just a few hours.


It's back to being warm and amazing all week. WHICH MEANS that whenever you are not working Shelby, we must to be swimming yes? Very yes.

(7:39:47 AM) shutupzina: he might have been masturbating, I don't know
(7:39:51 AM) shutupzina: I was too busy crying
(7:40:00 AM) aikanarofire: hahahahahahahahahahahaha


Allie & Darrell: BFF FOR LIFE

THIS is why I find The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack so UPSETTING:






And yet I can't stop watching it. It's like a fucking car accident.

I think my brain is broken?
Like there should be a flashing message in front of my face that says, "A critical system that should have never failed HAS FAILED!"

yes.

that's what needs to be happening now.


I'm going to bed forever.

Oh my god.

I got all my errands done today.


I hate the goddamn bus so hard.

The Wal-Mart pharmacy really is a dark circle of hell.


I'm going to chillax now.

I think my cat is dying.

Or at the very least she's sick. There's a lot of mysterious blood around the litter box. Plus she's being awfully quiet.

That's sad.


Anyway, I've got so many errands to run today. I can't decide if I should try and stay awake and get things done, or try to take a nap and then get things done. Either way it's going to be a very long, tiring day. I just have to be sure to get my application for Front Desk Agent in the hotel in TODAY. They're hiring for six openings, but I'm pretty sure everyone and their god damn mother is applying for it.

So yeah.

Dear Allie:

I'M JUST A SORROW EXPERT NOW! THE MORE I LOVE THE MORE I DROWN!

I hate Fridays. So damn busy. And tomorrow will probably be worse. Once the sun goes down everyone is still all antsy in their pantsy and feel the need to come get hammered at the casino. And then I have to deal with them.

I also am just not paid enough to deal with bitchy gay kids. Here's the deal: you can't charge anything to a hotel room unless the room is booked in your name. I don't care if it's your best friend's room and she said it was okay, I'm not charging anything to that room unless she is standing in front of my with picture I.D. So you and your excessively limp wrists can go ahead and fuck off. His friend who had booked the room did come over eventually and was much nicer and understanding about the whole situation too. And a little happy since I told her that her friend tried to order sixty dollars worth of food and charge it to her room. Yeah, she wasn't going to be down with that. Stupid fucking gay kids. I should just be straight. I get all the straight girl's numbers.

Walked home after work. Creepy homeless girl followed me for almost two miles. It was creepy.

My cat is flipping out for no reason and it's starting to piss me off. So I'm going to go punch her in the face and go to bed. Yes. Then get up and enjoy my Saturday before going to work. Very yes.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3387530/3/LOVE_SPELL

Hahahaha...I forgot about this till just now.

I am amused.

List of things I'm not allowed to do:

-Make up words
-Have a Wedding
-Have a Funeral
-Be God
-Have a gun
-Have a car
-Have his own restaraunt
-Have a pony
-Make Allie cry
-Go on a flight without Allie
-Have a baby
-Have super powers
-Be black(especially a black women)
-Not control his turrets(One day, ONE DAY, I will understand what this means, and I will be glad it is on the list.)
-Do anything horrible to Allie's room or Allie when she is in her room
-Do "that"(use your imagination)
-Make fun of Apolo Ohno.
-Say "Ciao"(NO ONE is, for the record)
-Eat candybars
-Say "peak"
-Lick
-Poop
-Be terrifying on the stairs
-Call someone a servent(except if it's in an old indignent British accent with a pipe, monocle and top hat)
-Conquer Singapore
-Imply he put Starbursts in his 'no no' place
-Survive a nuclear holocaust
-Make spooky noises
-Watch "Date My Mom". EVER
-Say anything starting with "B"
-Make a list of his dreams
-Like Kelly(again, one day I will understand this one and I will be glad it's on here)
-Set the paper version of this list on fire
-Not be touched
-Feel
-Go to Narnia
-Talk about his ass
-Play with Mister Screwdriver Monster(hahaha this sounds so dirty and I swear it isn't)
-Destroy Allie
-Have a super long tongue (D:)


Allie and I were the best of roommmates.

1) Who are you?
2) Are we friends?
3) When and how did we meet?
4) Would you kiss me?
5) Give me a nickname and explain why.
6) Describe me in 1 word.
7) What was your first impression of me?
8) Do you still think the same?
9) What reminds you of me?
10) If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11) How well do you know me?
12) Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13) Would you meet up with me?

Work sucks.

Here's this magical music meme (alliteration!) I stole from Allie. And she can't have it back!


( On to the magic! )

Well, that was time consuming.

mood: BI - Curious music: Placebo - Drink You Pretty

I've sold my soul and am now on Twitter.

So um, yeah. I guess you should search for my email or something to add me or whathaveyou, cause I'm being WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY to lazy to find people and/or figure out how to add them.

I kinda really want a shirt that says, "Pants on Head Retarded."

Because that's how I feel about most people most of the time. And a t-shirt is the best way to express beliefs and/or opinions. TRY TO DENY IT!



But unfortunately they only have like, XL and XXL. Sad times for me.

Dear the kid from buffet in the casino locker room:

Listening to Rammstein does NOT make you badass and/or hardcore.

It makes you gay. Also, while Reise Reise wasn't a bad album by any means, it doesn't hold a candle to Mutter. So if you're going to play your music at crazy volumes (through your phone no less) you should at least be listening to the best.

Finally, Metallica stopped being cool when I was like, eleven. So STOP IT.




P.S. A beard is not a jawline no matter how you shave it.






Gotta go pickup my paycheck. Then come home and maybe have a nap. And then decide the plans for tonight. Going out probably. Cause I didn't go out last weekend. Plus it will give me an excuse to talk about blastin' my nips and my bleached asshole!

That last one is probably not so true.

Ha!

Take that IRS! Taxes = Totally done.



Then I came home and polished off my case of beer. And played typing of the dead. Once I stop being retarded and got it working. Yes.

I want penis. For real real, not for play play. I want Joe's penis, but only because he had a pretty sweet penis.

HOW'S THAT FOR A FUCKING TMI!?!



Tee-hee! I'm so drunk and need to sleep and then go to work. I'm so amusing.

So drowsy...

If I had known it would take me less than five minutes to find all of my W2 forms, I totally wouldn't have gotten out of bed this early.

It means I could go back to bed. For another hour at least.

Hmmmmm.....


I've got to go to a stupid Food and Beverage department meeting tomorrow morning. And then go do my taxes. Should be a rich, full day. Where I don't get any sleep. Yep.

Oh lord. So tired but have to go to work.

Don't remember much from what happened at the bar. Do remember being emo pants about the whole affair though. And being drunkenly molested by some dude. When really I was just trying to carry him outside so he wouldn't blow chunks in the bar.

I really don't want to work and just go back to sleep.